Wednesday, April 30, 2008

this past few weeks i've been into posting in forums :)
but this time ..i am so happy to chat with the girl i used to watch in tv ahihihi:D

pers tym to hehehe...
thank God at wala kami class sa PS211 at maaga ako nka uwi sa house ahihihi
syempre dretso babad sa PC (forums sa pex)
hindi ko iniexpect na mkakaexchange ko si M ng message dun sa thread nya hehehe

ang masaya dito friends na daw kami hahahah at first hndi ako mkapaniwala dati kasi pinapanood ko lng sya tas now heheh friends na daw kami :)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

coffee (kape)

at first, hindi talaga ako umiinom ng kape dahil nga sa epekto nito lalo na sa nerbyos...
isang araw dahil sa kagustuhan ko na magising mga 1 pm ng hapon (syesta time) para mag-study sa lesson ko for my exam at 5pm ay naisipan ko na uminom ng kape dahil sa ito ay isang stimulant hahaha...naisip ko ano nga ba ang history ng kape??? well ng search ako at i will share it to you




around 1000 A.D daw, hindi iniinom ang kape as a hot beverage gaya ng nakasanayan ng marami ngayon. noong unang panahon ay iniinom for medicinal purposes ng mga Arabs. soon coffee became an important part of the Arabian culture kaya dati sa Turkey pwedeng hiwalayan ng asawang babae ang asawang lalake kapag ito ay uminom ng kape!Hala! :D

RELIGIOUS history ng KAPE...

noong unang panahon, pinagbawalan daw ng mga pari sa Roma ang pag-inom ng kape dahil inisip nilang "drink of the devil" daw ito. Kung sanctified daw ang wine at ginagamit sa Holy Communion, at ang coffee ay pwedeng non-sanctified substitute sa wine at mas "nakakabaliw daw ang ang kape" drink of the 'anti-Christ' daw ito!
taong 1500s, inaral at tinikman ni Pope Clement VIII ang controversial na "anti-Christ coffee brew." Nasarapan siguro sya because he decided na hindi na dapat ipag-bawal ang coffee dahil hindi naman sinful ito. Agad niyang ni-bless at na-baptize ang coffee!
dahil sa pag bless ng coffee para sa pang araw-araw na gamit, simula noon ay naging mas-informed tayo tungkol sa kape at okay na sa mga Kristyano ang pag-inom nito. :)

credits to kooki

magkabilaan by joey ayala

Magkabilaan

by joey ayala

ang katotohanan ay may dalawang mukha
ang tama sa iyo ay mali sa tingin ng iba
may puti may itim, liwanag at dilim
may pumapaibabaw, at may sumasailalim

ang tubig ay sa apoy, ang lupa ay sa langit
ang araw ay sa gabi, ang lamig naman ay sa init
kapag nawala ang isa, ang isa'y di mababatid
ang malakas at ang mahina'y magkapatid

magkabilaan ang mundo
magkabilaan ang mundo
magkabilaan ang mundo

ang hirap ng marami ay sagana ng iilan
ang nagpapakain, walang laman ang tiyan
ang nagpapanday ng gusali at lansangan
maputik ang daan tungo sa dampang tahanan

may mga haring walang kapangyarihan
mayroon ding alipin na masmalaya pa sa karamihan
may mga sundalo na sarili ang kalaban
at may pinapaslang na nabubuhay nang walang hanggan

magkabilaan ang mundo
magkabilaan ang mundo
magkabilaan ang mundo

may kaliwa't may kanan sa ating lipunan
patuloy ang pagtutunggali, patuloy ang paglalaban
pumanig ka, pumanig ka. huwag nang ipagpaliban pa
ang di makapagpasiya ay maiipit sa gitna

bulok na ang haligi ng ating lipunan
matibay ang pananalig na ito'y palitan
suriin mong mabuti ang iyong paninindigan
pagka’t magkabilaan ang mundo

magkabilaan ang mundo
magkabilaan ang mundo
magkabilaan ang mundo


BINARY OPPOSITES...

a nice song which we should have to reflect to as it exist in our society :)



Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A piece of something

just want to share again...(i got from the net)

A Piece of Something

Since I was in high school, I was fond of collecting quotations from magazines, books, articles or even vandals at walls, chairs, and tables. For me, every line of those sentences contains truth that we never realize.
Like a puzzle, it takes me time to put the pieces as one until I came up with this whole picture of what those people are trying to say “together”.

While I was walking, I stopped for a while and thought of the things I don’t have. Then I realized that the happiest of all people don’t necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

In the gateway of my heart I put a sign that says, “No trespassing”, but love came by laughing and said, “I enter everywhere”. Love knows no reason; love knows no lies-Love defies all reasons. Love has no eyes but love is not blind. Love sees but it doesn’t mind. Love is supposed to be a wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes, the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. It starts with a smile, develops with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

When you love, you must not expect anything in return. If you do, you’re not loving but investing. If you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you only accept happiness, you’re not loving but using. Don’t go for looks, it can deceive; don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile coz only a smile makes a dark day seem bright.

The beginning of love is to let those people we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image, otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. Never try to impress someone to make her fall in love with you, cause when you do, you’ll have to keep that standard for the rest of your life.

A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let him go. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we should know how to be grateful for that gift. We oftentimes don’t see the reason why we don’t always get what we want but in the end of it all, we realize that what we wanted wasn’t meant for us after all. Everything happens for a reason. When you feel down because you didn’t get what you wanted, just sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of someone better for you.

It hurts to love someone and not to be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. It’s always better to have found the courage to love even if you love it in the end rather than never finding love because you were too afraid to face its challenge. The greatest regrets in your lives are the risks you did not take. If you think something will make you happy go for it. Remember that you pass this way only once.


Love no matter how hard you find it, you won’t see it. No matter how hard you try, you won’t get it. But when you’re about to give up, it comes. Sometimes the love you were looking for is just right in front of you-too close for the eyes to see. So close your eyes and let your heart see itself. There are things you love to hear but you can never hear it from the person who says it with his heart. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want him doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. There are so many stars in the sky, only some are radiant to be noticed. Among those you choose to ignore is the one, which is willing to shine for you forever even if your glance remains elsewhere.

God never closes door without opening a window. He always gives you something better when He takes something away. Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and cut deep as you allow them to go. Challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them in relationships. Thank God when you’re hurting or crying, there you…given the chance to measure the importance of the relationship of the person and you. When you grow, you don’t become a better person because you experienced suffering. You have no right to ask when sorrow that comes your way. When God puts a tear in your eye, it’s because He wants to put a rainbow in your heart.
There are some things that we never want to let go of, people you never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world. It’s the beginning of the new life. The brightest future will always be based on the forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures or heartbreaks. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future. To let go is to fear less and to love more.

Don’t be afraid to break someone’s heart or have your heart broken because that’s how relationships are when you’re young, they are stepping-stones for the main one. Follow your heart. It might not always be right but despite the pain, you’ll have memories that will make you smile even once and every rare while. It is better not to have the person you love right now, but have them later than be with them now and lose them forever. Love has its time, season and own reasons. You can’t ask it to stay, you can only embrace it as it comes and be glad that for a minute in your life it was yours. Each of us is given a pocketful of time to spend however we may. We use what we will. We waste what we will. But we never get back a day. Don’t let each moment pass you by for within the twinkling of an eye, that moment shall go and the feeling shall die, it might be too late when you open your eyes. Don’t be so busy planning the life you’re going to have, that you fail to appreciate the one you’ve already been given. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, coz you only have one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life. We are never given dreams without power to make it come true.

A heart truly in love never loses hope but always believe in the promise of love no matter how long the time and how far the distance. Never say goodbye when you still want to try-never give up when you still feel you can take it; never say you don’t love the person anymore when you can’t go. True love doesn’t have a happy ending. That’s because true love doesn’t have an ending.

To love...

just want to share guys...

To love... Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again. But, sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring to life a relationship that just died a natural death. Set yourself free. Let your heart spread its wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but still will not rain forever. One day the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest. One of these is where you will build your nest and start over again. It's never too late. Remember, you may find love and lose it but, "WHEN LOVE DIES, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DIE WITH IT". Remember that you cannot be a redeemer all your life. The best way to weigh a relationship is out in the test of fire. You cannot be a sooner of your mistake forever. Remember, we all fail and make wrong decisions but our blunders are meant not to bury us deep in misery but to teach us the valued
lessons of life.

Loving is always a learning process. With love, we learn how to care and sacrifice. We learn to share and reach out. We learn to be unselfish and give more than we can. And when everything doesn't end well, we learn how it fells fall, we strive to get back on our feet and move on. This is where we learn that "Life doesn't end where our heartaches begin".THERE IS NO FUTURE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS. It's true, there's life in love. But, there can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find yourself again. The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning but in its consistency. Make a choice not on impulse but a decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart.

Let us always remember that "HAPPINESS IS NOT A MATTER OF DESTINY BUT A MATTER OF CHOICE". There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of its when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE. WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO ACCEPT THE VERDICT OF REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU WOULD BETTER OFF GIVING THAT DEDICATION AND LOVE TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING". Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow.

"IF YOU LOSE LOVE, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN LOVE. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO, BUT MAKE SURE THAT TEAR WASHES AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST LEFT YOU WITH. LET GO OF YESTERDAY AND LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY BACK TO YOU
". And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

A woman on the rebound could easily fall for sweeping emotions and be made to falsely believe that she finally stumbled upon the right man when what she just found is only someone to cover up for the love she lost. A man who makes promises with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfill them.

"IT'S TRUE THAT LOVE CAN WAIT FOREVER BUT IT IS CRAZY TO STUBBORNLY HOPE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T EVEN CARE OR UNDERSTAND HOW WE FEEL". Loving someone is never a sin. It is what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin. Don't think only of your feelings
for real love doesn't have a place for selfish people. When there is love, there is always sacrifice. When we love someone, we NEVER easily GIVE UP on that person. Even if we get hurt badly we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt. It is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance of the things we have done and when we are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.

"DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE FELT. OPEN YOUR HEART AGAIN AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO FIND THE MAN WHO WOULD MAKE LOVING WORTH THE PAIN AND THE SACRIFICE. Just like anything else, our love grows weak and extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies".

God wakes us up in the midst of a storm to teach us a lesson. He takes away people we love, so we can learn to value love itself. He makes us cry so hard so we can see clearly when we open our eyes. He makes us bitter so we can realize that there is no genuine happiness if we think only of our needs and not of others. Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness is doomed from the very beginning. The hardest part of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been but never will be."God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in our lives and only if we put our trust in Him we can learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows".

In many failed relationships, separation comes as the inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond the control of circumstances.

Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolve we make ourselves. Acceptance is the key to a new beginning and time is the healer of all wounds. Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be light after our darkness and lonely moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try.

"Losing someone we may not be a loss at all but a blessing because someone even more is yet to come". There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but "we must always be sensitive to the signals that tell us when to rationalize and be sensible." There comes a time in our lives when we would fall for someone who wouldn't be as interested as we are because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love but don't get loved in return. There are times when the sign ahead says stop but we still stubbornly head on. We would say our love is unconditional, but if it really is, then we should never feel bad. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about.

Being in love can be the most wonderful thing we could experience but if the feeling begins to consume our whole beings, then we have to stop and let our minds and not our hearts dictate our actions. Only when we learn to accept our fate and understand the meaning of our failures we can truly go on with life without having to look back and cry over the things that could have been but will never be......

SEND MY LOVE TO HEAVEN

i really love this story...


SEND MY LOVE TO HEAVEN

What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten..... That I love the way she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show? Somehow, I wished I could have told her that I love her but now there's no hope in doing so. For now, it's rather too late- too late for me to do so.

She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she's pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love.

I could still remember the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to transfer at a neighboring state because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when out came the loveliest girl I've seen. She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "Would you like to come up?" she answered, "May I?" So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's Sam, what's yours?" I answered, “My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris." She smiled and said, “Well I like your name. Hey your tree house's neat!" then I replied, “Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know." She smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with troy and I could be your new best friend too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!" So that's how it started.

So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a week’s allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.

The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.

As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once, when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.

Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden.

We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance mixed feelings of anger and hurt because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy.

Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him as she passes by me she doesn’t know that I whisper the words "God how I love you."

Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up to their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.

So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart.

So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her I love her. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.

It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?" So she turned away and quietly said, "Well I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?" I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We we're silent for a while until I finally whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam." The she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!" I ran slowed up so that I would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.

Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam's mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the whole world." She then asked, “Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her.

When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said," Would you give me the honor of your first dance?" She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the dance floor.

It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven't done it.

We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that she doesn't know. So I went and search for her.

As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon's silvery light. They were so close to each other. I could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium. Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn't return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. In the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.

The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me. There was something in her eyes I couldn't describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn't the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away from me.

So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I'm worthy of having her.

It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her.

I reached their house; I saw her older sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lasy just like my dear Sam. I then asked," Hi Jen! I guess you're surprised why I'm here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Ummm.........bby the way have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly "Come follow me."

I was confused with the way she's acting but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but just answered my questioned briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It's been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. The Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There's Sam."

I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up.

I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and slowly started saying," It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regards this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left.

I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading........


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I know by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you are with me. When you are away, I can't stop crying because I'm afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can't bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I feel. Each time you held me close to you was like a dream coming true for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to full myself that you're in love with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I'm saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love.

I know you might be thinking of Mark but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know how you would react and with that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. When our prom night came, you just don't know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I really love. What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I've experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you how much I love you but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left.

Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone.

P.S.
Think of me sometimes.... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

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I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven
.

" To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another.”